SWOT Analysis, Marriage, Relationship

SWOT Analysis
Married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, and Threat) analysis. He said, my strength is my wife. My weakness is my neighbour's wife. Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out. Threat comes when I myself go out.

The Problem
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: Darling, When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes darling, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?

Married
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.

Daddy Ask...
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

Fortune
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied sweetly,"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

The Report
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

Humour
A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: I like your sense of humour.

Love Marriage
Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage".
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself ".

Quite
Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls . These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard. Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"

Girl Friend
What is a girl friend? Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.